Who is Bob?
Truth be told, Bob is somewhat of an enigma. His profound knowledge of campervan hire means he is the envy of most mortal men – and the target for unscrupulous female desire. Born on a ranch just outside El Paso, Texas, Bob didn’t start out wanting to be a campervan man. There’s not too many things more glamorous than the campervan life – blind fuckin’ Freddy knows that. Back in the golden days when men wore socks in their underpants, Bob felt that his real calling was Hollywood. At the age of 17, ol’ young Bob packed up his El Camino and headed west, like so many impressionable young men before him, bound for Hollywood.
When ol’ Bob started off in Hollywood – he dreamed of stardom. But life has a funny way of screwin’ with a man and, despite his incredible looks and charisma, Bob managed only a few minor roles in ‘The Brady Bunch’ (he played ‘Customer at Butcher Shop’ in episode 167) and ‘Happy Days’ (he wore the shark costume in ‘Fonzie jumps the Shark’).
After a tumultuous few years snorting cocaine off Barbara Streisand’s sisters ass and sleeping in his campervan at Hermosa Beach Value Mart car park, Bob left Hollywood and crossed the Pacific, all the way to Australia – where he would join, and ultimately rise to the top of, the campervan world.
Political Life, 1978
In 1978, Bob ran as leader of the ‘Campervan Party’ for the seat of McPherson in a cut-throat election against incumbent Australian Prime Minister, Malcom Fraser. Insults and rumours were abound leading up to the election, as Fraser’s team of high-powered political assassins relentlessly attacked Bob’s stance on Campervans. Malcolm Fraser was a car man, first and foremost and refused to acknowledge the lifestyle choices of Australia’s ‘van-people’. And for Bob, this was like pissin’ on an angry snake.
Fraser’s men were in the pockets of the Australian Murdoch-machine, who ran scandal after scandal on their front pages – taking aim at Bob’s blatant cocaine addiction, his rigorous womanising and his unflinching dedication to the campervan life. It was devastating for Bob, but the Australian people didn’t buy any of it. Come November 1978, the Campervan Party received a landslide swing in the election – and Bob (who was enjoying a stellar year as World Surf Champion), was declared the new Australian Prime Minister. It was an astonishing victory for Bob, who’d only moved from El Paso in 1972 with nothing but a backpack and a cocaine habit.
However, the fairy tale wouldn’t last long. Bob, who dropped out of school at the age of 13, had little to offer in the way of economic policy or International relations, and found himself overwhelmed by the role. The final straw came when he refused to stay at Kirribili Lodge (the traditional lodgings of Australian leaders), instead preferring his 1972 Bedford camper at South Fairfield Caravan Park. The car industry Illuminati of Australia saw this as a blatant endorsement of the campervan lifestyle – an ideology they saw as a direct threat to their bottom line. They lobbied hard and succeeded in overthrowing Bob’s leadership in early 1979.
Bob had been in power for less than 6 months, but in this time had achieved some major milestones. His proudest achievement: the legalisation of nude surfing on public beaches in Australia (until this point, nude surfers risked capital punishment if caught).